Let’s face it—this whole “self-love” thing can sound like one of those vague, almost magical concepts people throw around, like “good vibes only” or “manifest your dreams.” You might wonder, what does self-love even look like? And how do I get some of it? But here’s the truth: learning to love yourself is the foundation for everything—your happiness, your growth, and (yes!) the quality of the love you’ll attract from others. Think of it like tuning your internal compass. When you deeply know your worth, you’ll naturally pull in the kind of love that honors it.

Rewrite Your Inner Narrative (Because the Stories We Tell Matter)

We all have that inner critic, don’t we? The one who sometimes whispers (or shouts) things like, “You’re not enough,” “You should’ve done better,” or “Who are you kidding?” Here’s the kicker: we get so used to hearing that voice that we start believing it. It’s time to reframe that negative self-talk, now. Self-love starts with the way you speak to yourself.

Here’s a fun trick: Start treating yourself like your best friend. Seriously. Think about it—if your friend messed up or had a bad day, you’d never tear them apart. You’d probably say something like, “It’s okay, you’ve got this,” or “Everyone has rough days, don’t sweat it.” So why not show yourself the same compassion? Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative, stop, and flip it around. Your self-talk should be a motivational pep rally, not a beatdown.

Pro tip: When you’re about to criticize yourself, ask: “Would I say this to someone I love?” If the answer is no, that’s your cue to change the narrative.

Know Your Worth—and Own It!

You’ve probably heard the phrase “know your worth” about a million times. But what does that really mean? It means recognizing that you’re valuable, flaws and all. It’s understanding that you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love—whether that’s love from yourself or from a future partner.

Take a moment and write down all the things that make you you. Your quirks, your strengths, your passions, even the weird things you secretly love (like your obsession with true crime podcasts or your ability to recite entire episodes of Friends). These are the things that make you unique, and they’re what make you worth loving.

Once you have that list, look at it regularly and believe it. Seriously, internalize that stuff. The more you connect with your own worth, the more you’ll naturally expect (and attract) a partner who will recognize and honor it too.

Pro tip: Make a “hype list” on your phone—something you can pull out when you need a quick reminder of how awesome you are. Refer to it whenever self-doubt creeps in!

Create a Life You Love (Even While Single)

You’ve probably heard the cliché, “You need to be happy on your own before you can be happy in a relationship.” But it’s only a cliché because it’s trueit’s only a cliché because it’s true! If you’re waiting around for someone else to come along and complete your life, you’ll end up disappointed—not because there’s anything wrong with relationships, but because your happiness isn’t someone else’s responsibility.

Start building a life you love right now. Travel. Pursue hobbies that light you up. Hang out with people who make you laugh until your stomach hurts. The more you fill your life with joy and passion, the less you’ll feel like you need someone to “complete” you. And the best part? When you’re already living your best life, the love you attract will feel like a beautiful addition rather than a necessity.

Pro tip: Start a “joy journal” and write down things you do each week that bring you happiness, fulfillment, or peace. Let your future partner complement your happiness, not be your happiness.

Embrace the Healing Process (It’s Messy, but Worth It)

Let’s get real—self-love isn’t all about bubble baths and face masks. Sometimes, it’s about healing old wounds and facing the stuff that makes you feel vulnerable. Maybe you’ve had past relationships that left you feeling unworthy or damaged. Maybe you’ve been hurt by people who were supposed to love you unconditionally. Whatever your story is, healing takes time, and that’s okay.

Start by acknowledging your past experiences and recognizing how they’ve shaped you. But don’t stop there. Give yourself permission to grow beyond those old narratives. Whether it’s working through emotions with a therapist, meditating, journaling, or having tough conversations with yourself, healing is a crucial step toward building healthy, loving relationships in the future.

Pro tip: Practice self-compassion during the healing process. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel hurt, but it’s also okay to let go and make space for new, healthier love.

Set Boundaries Like a Boss

Loving yourself also means protecting your energy and time. Boundaries aren’t about being distant or cold; they’re about creating healthy limits that honor your needs. This could be anything from saying “no” to things that drain you, to not letting people treat you in ways that don’t align with your self-worth.

When you know what you need and stand firm in those boundaries, you’ll naturally attract people who respect you. And trust me, when it comes to love, you want someone who not only respects your boundaries but admires you for having them. Setting clear boundaries also keeps toxic energy at bay and paves the way for mutual respect in your future relationship.

Pro tip: Write down your non-negotiables in relationships and friendships. When you’re clear about your limits, you’ll spot red flags early on and avoid situations that don’t align with your values.

Step 6: Fall in Love with the Journey (Not Just the Destination)
Finally, remember that self-love is a lifelong journey. It’s not about reaching some magical point where you suddenly have it all figured out. Instead, it’s about learning to love and accept yourself, imperfections and all, every single day.

This journey will have ups and downs, but each step brings you closer to becoming the best version of yourself—and that’s where the real magic happens. When you show up as someone who fully loves and accepts themselves, you’re naturally going to attract someone who does the same. You’ll be ready for a love that’s deep, respectful, and built on a foundation of mutual appreciation.

Pro tip: Celebrate small wins on your self-love journey. Did you silence your inner critic today? Did you set a healthy boundary? These are all steps toward becoming the kind of person who’s ready to attract true, fulfilling love.

The Bottom Line

Learning to love yourself the way you deserve is the most powerful thing you can do before entering a relationship. It’s about recognizing your worth, creating a life you love, setting boundaries, and healing old wounds. When you show up with full acceptance of who you are, you’ll be more than ready to encounter the love that complements your journey. So, start loving yourself fiercely—your future love will thank you for it!