There have been three distinct times in my life since 2017 when the death of someone triggered something so deep inside of me that I knew I had to make a major life decision. These weren’t small nudges, they were undeniable shifts that moved me forward in a powerful way. Each time, loss didn’t just bring sadness. It brought clarity.

The first time was in 2017. A classmate of mine passed away. I hadn’t spoken to him in years, but his death shook me. It reminded me of how fragile and unpredictable life is. I was 39 years old, and it stirred a question deep inside me: What am I waiting for? Soon after, I bought my first home, a home I still live in to this day. Something about that moment made me want to plant roots, to create something lasting, something I could call my own.

The second time came in 2020 when a well-known gospel singer passed away. Again, I felt that same stirring. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but the urge was undeniable. This time, the shift led me to buy my car.  My car that I still drive. I was 42 years old. While it might seem like just a vehicle, to me it represented movement, freedom, and a sense of control over my path. I felt the need to go places, literally and metaphorically.

The most recent time was in May 2025, when someone from my church passed away. This one hit especially close to home. It felt like a quiet but urgent call from within. Just days later, I knew I had to quit my job. I had already established a desire to do that.  And the moment I found out about their passing, just happened to come after an unexpected meeting I had just come out of.  This meeting shook me to my core.  I didn’t get called in to get promoted, but instead, I got called in to be demoted!  (We’ll discuss this another time when I can really talk about it.) But, What a blow to my mind!! I submitted my resignation the next week after taking off a few days to regain my focus.  My last day was set for June 5, 2025. I was 47 when I made the decision. And unlike the other times, this change wasn’t about what I could buy, it was about what I could no longer tolerate. It was about reclaiming my peace and choosing a life that aligned with my purpose.

So what does it all mean?

Looking back, I see a clear pattern. Each loss acted like a mirror, forcing me to confront my own life. It was never about the specific person who passed, it was about what their passing stirred in me. A sense of urgency. A need to live on purpose. A refusal to stay stuck.

Some people might call this the universe speaking. Others might say it’s God’s way of getting my attention. Either way, I’ve learned that grief has a way of stripping life down to its essentials. It quiets the noise and brings your soul into sharp focus. In those moments, I hear something louder than words: “You don’t have time to waste.”

Each major decision I made wasn’t random. They were steps in my personal evolution:

• At 39, I sought stability and roots.
• At 42, I craved freedom and mobility.
• At 47, I chose peace and purpose.

And each step was preceded by a spiritual awakening disguised as grief.

When I reflect on it now, I realize that these moments weren’t about reacting to death, they were about responding to life. Each loss opened my eyes a little more to what truly matters. Each one reminded me that I get to choose how I live.

This pattern has become a guide. Not a roadmap that tells me exactly where to go, but a compass that always points me back to what feels true. I’ve stopped asking, “Why does this keep happening?” and started asking, “What is this moment calling me to do?”

If you’ve ever felt stirred to make a major life change after someone passes, know that you’re not alone. And it doesn’t mean you’re being impulsive, it means you’re being awakened. Loss wakes us up. It invites us to take action, to live intentionally, and to step into alignment with the life we were created to live.

I don’t take these moments for granted. I see them now as sacred invitations. And every time I answer the call, I become more myself.